As we approach next year’s provincial election, it would seem prudent to establish a few Maher -like rules to govern the myriad education funding announcements we are in for over the next few months.

New Rule # 1)

With each new announcement of Ministry of Education largesse, Minister Bernier has to subtract the amount currently being doled out from the 4.2 billion removed from public education since 2001. He must supply a running total of returned money, which now, at rudimentary computation stands at about 4.160 billion  outstanding.

New Rule # 2)

The running total of how much money has yet to be returned to public education must be broadcast on CKNW every day, by every broadcaster.
In addition, Keith Baldrey has to tweet the up to date numbers daily, without sarcasm or impugning the teachers union.

New Rule # 3)

The amounts doled out must be parsed as to which political party’s MLA holds the ridings to which money has been gifted. For example, the millions announced for capital funding in Surrey went to constituencies where what percentage of annointed districts are represented by which party’s  MLAs?

New Rule #4

When making announcements about increased funding, the phrases “ as a result of good fiscal management “ and “because of our strong economic performance” may not be used to preface announcements unless sitcom laugh track is played and vomit bags are supplied to the audience.

New Rule #5

With every new funding announcement regardless of how small, routine, or re-announced, neither Premier Clark nor Minister Bernier may laugh , giggle, or even smirk at their Everest – like political cynicism.

These rules are effective immediately ; in force until the election is over ,or until Premier Clark and/or Minister Bernier collapse in laughter at our stupidity.